I Am Trying To Break Your Sex Laws #2

“My boyfriend just got this new job. He loves it. And it has the potential to make us very, very rich, which I like because one day I want to be a rich mom in skinny white jeans and a baby seat in the back of my Porsche convertible instead of working for rich moms in skinny white jeans with baby seats in the back of their Porsche convertibles (they really are the worst. Also, you wouldn’t believe how often they tell each other that they are “the hottest moms they know.” That’s icky right? It makes me feel icky). The problem is my boyfriend is working like 12 hour days and he’s too tired when he comes home to have sex. Now, all my masturbation fantasies involve hate fucking his boss, which I’m fine with, except that I can’t look his boss in the eye at company parties without feeling my entire face turn to fire. Please advise.” – Future Hot Mom

Well, Future Hot Mom, I hope this helps:

Fairfield, Connecticut

It’s hard to breathe in this thing but it’s what she wants. I can feel her inner thighs twitch against my hips, palms pressing into my chest.

“Call me Angela, baby. Do it in the voice you practiced.”

I clear my throat. “Oh, Angela.” Tony Micelli’s voice grates my throat.

We believe in monogamy, we do. Inhabiting others is our workaround when we think of fucking other people. Last year, I was Ahab for a couple of months. Sandy was Marge Simpson as my Christmas present. I still have patches of yellow skin. We’re finally working our way up to real people.

This week I’m supposed to start following her boss, take photos, study him. I hope I can stomach losing my identity to someone who exists in the thick of her moans.

Got a sex or dating question you need answered? E-mail J. Bradley at senryujournalist at gmail dot com.