“standing, there, just about” by Thom James

Standing                                                                     There                       Water is forced down miniscule dirt grime tainted holes

And a cycle repeats itself forever                                                       Until the stop button is pushed

There is always a stop button                                                               Somewhere

It is not always in the manual                                                               But who reads the manuals                 anyway

Standing                                                                      There

He removes his hands and they just drop                                       Still attached to his wrists

They are weightless

Standing                                                                       There                     Just about

He feels a backlog of water clogging up behind the balls of his feet He turns right to look at his face in the mirror but he can not because there is so much condensation from the heat of the water he can not see himself properly

He does not really want to see himself                                           He just doesn’t know what to do

We don’t know what to do

Apart from exiting the building and Running for your life

This is a House Fire

Clothes are meticulously placed upon each other on the floor They are grounded He opens the lock as he coughs because of the lack of real “air” and he is dripping with skin and sweat and bodily fluids and the carpet welcomes it all with open arms

He reaches for the phone

He wants to ring 911 Or 999 But this part depends on who you want him to be He does not ring straight away He decides that ringing an ambulance for finding a lump in your left testicle is too dramatic

Is this dramatic enough

Will this appear on HBO

Will this appear on BBC

Nothing can capture the moment clearly

Not even writing

Not even a picture

Not even himself

He rings a number and waits for the receptionist to pick up the phone:

“hello”

“hi i would like to book an appointment”

you can not hear words being spoken, but there is breathing:

“are you still there i would like to book an appointment please”

“ok can i take your name”

“james butler”

“ok and what is your address”

(this is the part you make up for yourself)

“ok and what would you like to make the appointment for?”

“there is a lump in my testicle”

“ok”

“ok?”

“yes i am looking at when i can fit you in”

“ok”

(there were no words for the second time running)

“are you still there?”

“i am sorry you have got the wrong number”

James Butler standing

There

Phone still in hand

Masculinity on ……….hold

Testosterone …………dropping

Still clotheless

Am I pretty Enough for You?

He will be “ok”, ok?

“Will” meaning in the

Future

“Will” meaning

Not Now

“Will” meaning

something that he has to leave Behind

“Will” meaning

something that he has to leave Behind but he does

Not

He “will” be “ok”

but Not                                                              “Now”

“Now”

When i say “Now” it means He is going into the bath tub to fall asleep for the time being

Because falling asleep is supremely easy

And having to go through hard things is                                                                                            “Not”

—-

Something like eleven/11 hours he heard a knock on the door

He did Not go to the door straight away

He looked out the window and didn’t see anyone

He saw a beautiful day instead

A “Get Well Soon” card was on the “welcome” mat

James Butler

Standing                                                                     There

Laughed At      It  A      l            l

He went to Go and get a glass

He went to Go and Fill it up with Orange Juice

He went to Go and Sit Down and turn the TELLITALLVISION on and Watch the Morning News

James Butler

“Never felt so Alive”