Really True Stories from Specter Magazine

Brett lounging inside mensah's house; mensah is nowhere to be found...

This week on Really True Stories from Specter Magazine:

Roxane Gay has been sighted watching Shark Tank.

Mensah DeMary allegedly to sign a contract with Rogaine.

Kurt Vonnegut back from the dead!

Reports say that Dirk Walker has fathered several alien children who now masquerade as “Twitter Bots,” following us after we post words or phrases about dentists, the gym, and Kim Kardashian (who has not been proved to be a human yet).

xTx is currently beating Brett Elizabeth Jenkins in Bejeweled Blitz, and there are rumors that somebody’s about to flip her lid.

Somebody, somewhere, is thinking of shaving off his beard.

J. Bradley was seen making out with an unknown person (alien?) under the bleachers during gym class yesterday.

J. Bradley is not pleased.

Votes are currently being tallied for which Specter Magazine staff member has the best beach body. Pictures to come later.

Christopher Newgent’s arms to be elected as next president of the United States, polls report.

I had a dream last night in which Danny Goodman had this stalker who drove him absolutely crazy and so he had to leave his job as a respected scientist and live forever in a home for mentally disabled adults. So if my life is really a Stephen King story, then he needs to watch out cuz this is about to go down.

Will Henderson and Mensah DeMary also were seen bickering on Twitter. But that’s not really news, just day to day business.

Finally, J.D.A. Wilson has gone to troubling ends to report his Thomas Granger-esque relationship with this goat: